Day 106: You Notice the Weather… But Not Yourself

I wanted to tell her to take a deep breath and let’s reframe this.

But I couldn’t.

She was on TV.

Last night I was relaxing and watching a reality show when I heard a woman say,

“I’ve done all the work to get to the top and now I just want to enjoy the view.”

As a lifelong student of the psychology of what makes people who they are and what makes them change, I love reality TV, especially competition shows.

I like seeing how people handle pressure and life changes.

Some rise to the occasion and find themselves in the process.

Others collapse.

With this woman, who wanted to enjoy being “at the top,” there were a couple things going on.

And they’re very common for women over 50.

She had just taken her youngest to college and was now an empty nester.

She said she was grateful she had started a business six years ago, or she would feel even worse being alone.

She likes being a mom.

She doesn’t want that level of responsibility to end, even though her own mom is telling her to relax and enjoy herself.

What she wishes was happening in her life now is a fantasy.

Because for most people, there is no clear “top.”

There’s no defined place where you arrive and everything suddenly feels complete.

And if you don’t know what that looks like, how would you even recognize it?

That’s part of being a co-creator.

Having a vision of what you are moving toward.

And having mileposts along the way that let you know you’re aligned and moving in the right direction.

When you don’t have that clarity, it leads to confusion.

And often disappointment.

Because you expected something to feel different… and it doesn’t.

She’s also grieving being an empty nester.

That’s normal.

Some people look forward to it and plan for it.

But for many, it leaves a very real hole in their life.

It takes time to shift out of that role and into something new.

You realize you don’t get to define the mother and child relationship anymore.

Now there are two adults and they both get a say.

That’s a big adjustment.

If this is your situation, give yourself grace.

Give yourself time.

For you, it might be something different.

A sudden job loss.

A planned retirement.

A divorce.

All of these shift your identity and your day to day life.

The other thing going on is her friend group.

They’re all dealing with their own challenges.

Two are going through divorces.

One is involved in a lawsuit that could impact her entire life because of something her ex did.

You never know the depth of what someone else is feeling.

Even if you know the situation.

Even if ten of your friends are divorced, I can guarantee no two experienced it the same way.

Be kind.

Be there.

Listen.

Hold space.

That’s what friends do.

You don’t compare pain.

You don’t measure who has it worse.

There is no level of pain that makes one person more deserving of care than another.

All pain is real and valid.

Sometimes it’s hard to see clearly what someone else is going through when you’re dealing with your own stuff.

Your lens is already clouded.

You may even think you shouldn’t share what you’re going through because it feels smaller than what someone else is facing.

But I know from experience, sometimes it’s a relief to be there for someone else when you’re in the middle of something hard yourself.

It takes you out of your own head.

The most important thing we can do, even when we don’t see things the same way, is to take the high road and be there for each other.

Everyone is doing life as best they can in this moment.

And that includes you.

So instead of trying to figure out if you’ve arrived, or wondering why it doesn’t feel the way you thought it would, come back to this:

Are you aligned with the life you’re creating right now?

Are you present in it?

Are you allowing it to evolve?

Because there may not be a “top.”

There is just the next version of you.

And how you choose to meet her.

Today’s Gentle Practice

Take a quiet moment today.

Think about where you feel like you “should” be by now.

Notice what expectations you’ve placed on yourself.

Then gently ask:

“Is this something real… or something I imagined it should look like?”

Take a breath.

And come back to where you are.

Without judgment.

Just awareness.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear where you’re learning to let go of expectations and meet your life as it is now.

With you,


Lynn