Day 162: Peace Is More Valuable Than Being Right

Do you ever feel like your kindness sometimes leads to you being taken advantage of?

It's not a good feeling to know that when you give people every chance to do the right thing, sometimes they just don't care to.

And yet, there are bumps in the road and people don't always live up to your expectations, or do what they have committed to.

I find that I am continually growing resistant to the idea of confrontation.

It rarely resolves anything in a good way and mostly leaves everyone involved feeling bad.

And isn't one of the best uses of our emotional energy learning how to spend more time in the highest emotional states available to us?

So what's the point?

And after a restless night, I decided I had to say something about a situation where my kindness and trust had been met with disregard and a lack of integrity.

The most disappointing part of situations like this is finding out that someone is not the person you were hoping they were.

It's difficult for me to muster anger and outrage anymore.

Being disappointed seems to be the lowest emotion I can go to these days.

And I'm ok with that.

I don't miss the chip on my shoulder that propelled me through my twenties.

Back then, anger felt useful.

It gave me energy.

It gave me something to push against.

It gave me someone to prove wrong.

These days, peace is more valuable to me than being right.

That doesn't mean I don't have boundaries.

It means I no longer want to live from outrage, resentment, or the need to win.

I would rather address a situation calmly than carry it around emotionally.

I'm happy to be taken advantage of once in a while in exchange for not being that person anymore.

As we grow, we naturally begin letting go of the emotions that once drove us.

In the long run, that serves us best.

Right now, I feel a heaviness of the disappointment of writing a long early morning email to get all the facts of the situation in writing along with my feelings about it and the resolution I'm looking for with a deadline.

The interesting thing is that the disappointment isn't really about the money or the inconvenience.

It's about discovering that someone isn't who you hoped they were.

That's always the part that stings.

I am that strong woman who has always taken care of herself, even when that inner strength takes a little longer than I'd like to arrive.

For you, where do you draw the line?

What are your boundaries?

One of the things I've learned through the years is that boundaries become much clearer when we're clear about who we are.

Most of the confusion in life comes when we're trying to make decisions from old versions of ourselves that no longer fit.

I'm making some major shifts in my life right now, which is exactly why I've decided it's time for another round of Change One Thing, Change Your Life.

After all these years, I still come back to it whenever life is asking me to recalibrate.

It helps me get honest about what I value now, not what I valued last year, or ten years ago.

I've just finished the update to the 25th anniversary edition and it's available now on my new website (still a work in progress).

If this feels like a good time for you to get some clarity in your life, you can check it out here.

Today's Gentle Practice

Notice today if there is a situation, person, or memory that still brings up disappointment.

Instead of asking:

"Why did they do that?"

Try asking:

"What is this situation teaching me about myself?"

Maybe it's showing you where a boundary needs strengthening.

Maybe it's showing you how much you've grown.

Maybe it's reminding you that peace is more valuable than being right.

The goal isn't to avoid disappointment.

The goal is to learn from it without carrying it longer than necessary.

Because every experience can either become a burden or become wisdom.

The choice is ours.

With you,

Lynn