Day 184: Deserving vs. Worthy

Do we really know the difference between deserving and being worthy?

Some people feel they only deserve something after they worked for it or accomplished something that they now deserve a reward for.

Like buying expensive chocolates or a a special bottle of champagne that sits and sits because there never seems to be an occasion that measures up to deserving that special treat.

Or maybe it's accepting a good enough job or a good enough relationship because, well, it's good enough.

And then the question becomes, do I really deserve the best instead of good enough?

Why is it we feel there are certain things we have to qualify for?

Being worthy flips that script.

If we can accept that we are worthy of everything our imagination can come up with that becomes a sincere desire.

We are worthy of it all, anything we choose to accept for ourselves.

The first time I noticed people doing this to themselves was when I was 24.

My husband and I quit our jobs, sold our house, and moved to Florida.

It wasn't easy, but we wanted to make a better life than what was playing out in a small town in WI that had just been hit with a recession.

With me being a Realtor and him being in construction, our income was in jeopardy.

So, he went ahead to Florida, got a job and rented a house.

I stayed to sell our house, which all my Realtor friends said was a big mistake because with the market downturn I'd be there all winter by myself.

It sold in a week. I credit that to my beliefs and the amazing remodel I had done.

I felt completely worthy of being able to pack up and go somewhere that was not having a recession and instead had a booming economy.

If I had to feel deserving of it, I would have had to compare myself with other people and at 24, I'm pretty sure I could have made the case for being more toward the bottom of who was deserving of getting out of that mess.

The whole idea of deserving vs being worthy got really interesting when I would talk to the midwesterners and Canadians who were coming to the area I moved to buying vacation homes.

The vast majority said they hoped to someday do what I had done and move there, but…and then would start the list of why they couldn't.

No matter what they said, it all came down to their belief that they didn't deserve the luxury of living where they wanted to live.

Even thought they had already been successful enough in life to buy a vacation home that would sit empty about 9 months of the year.

They had already proven they were successful enough for the vacation home, and yet they still couldn't give themselves permission for more than that.

Because deserving is a moving target. No matter how much evidence exists, the ego can always invent another requirement.

The ego mind will always keep putting things in front of you that have to be achieved, mastered, completed, before you can have what you want.

It's the carrot in front of the horse that just far enough out of reach to make sure it can see it, but can't get it.

So it keeps on going, hoping someday it will be able to grab the carrot.

On the other hand, feeling worthy of having your heart's desires is an internal thing.

You start thinking thoughts that allow it, like I did when I looked at the most recent Realtor magazine that had this area of Florida on the cover as the fastest growing market of that year.

It started my think more thoughts about why was I living in a place where the market was so slow, making my job difficult, and income low, when I could completely change that by moving to where the market was good.

Those thoughts increased until it had built to a point that I didn't care how many people told me it was impossible or at best a really bad idea, and I went ahead and set it in motion.

The thoughts compounded and gained momentum until they became a belief that I could and would make this happen, despite the naysayers.

I didn't have to convince myself I deserved to do. I had already spent enough years studying how my mind worked and how to create the life I wanted, so I understood that we are all worthy of any dream we have.

My life has been a continual adventure of doing things my way.

I wish that for everyone and it all starts with switching the perception you hold of needing to deserve, to being worthy without having to do or prove a thing.

As I look back on that decision to move to Florida at 24, what stands out to me isn't the courage it took.

It's the permission I gave myself.

I didn't wait until everyone agreed it was a good idea or until I had proof it would work.

And I certainly didn't spend time debating whether I deserved a better opportunity.

I simply believed I was allowed to want it.

The more I've watched people over the years, the more I've realized that many of us spend our lives postponing permission.

We tell ourselves we'll finally allow what we want:

After we lose the weight

After we make more money

After we heal

After we become more confident

After we've accomplished enough to deserve it

But what if that's backwards?

What if worthiness was never something you had to earn?

What if it was the starting point?

What if the dream in your heart isn't evidence that you deserve it someday...but evidence that you're already worthy of exploring it now?

The ego loves conditions.

The soul loves possibilities.

The real shift is learning to stop asking, "Have I done enough to deserve this?"

And start asking,"Am I willing to believe I am already worthy?"

Because those two questions create very different lives.

One keeps the carrot just out of reach.

The other opens the gate.

And from my experience, that's where the adventure begins.

Today's Gentle Practice

Notice one thing you've been telling yourself you can have, do, or become "someday."

Then ask:

What am I waiting to deserve?

And more importantly:

What if I am already worthy?

Sit with whatever comes up.

No fixing.

No forcing.

Just noticing.

With you,

Lynn