Day 186: You Can Be Sad and Certain

When I heard this line, it hit me.

You're not starting a new life. You're running from the old one.

But how do you know for sure if it's true?

Alignment.

If you're starting a new life it feels connected, calm. It makes you feel more whole and at home.

If you're running from an old life, if feels disconnected and like work. There's a stress to it.

Opposite ends of the spectrum. So it's easy to feel the difference.

But that doesn't keep people from lying to themselves and trying to force this life to be something it's not.

That just leads to more struggle.

Anytime we're making a change in our lives, it's normal to wonder if this is really the start of a new life or if we're in denial and really just hiding from a life we weren't happy with anymore.

I've been checking in with myself several times a day the last few weeks, during all these changes I'm making.

I keep asking myself how I feel at every turn.

If something starts to not feel aligned, I would stop immediately to see where those feelings are coming from.

Often, even when what we're doing is in our best interest, there can still be hurt feelings or pain that was caused by what made us make the change, whether we initiated it or not.

For example, when I was in the middle of a divorce I had initiated, it was still painful.

There was grieving for the future I had imagined that now will never happen.

There was sadness of things that had gone off the rails.

There were hurt feelings.

Even with the abuser, there was still all that. Maybe especially with that relationship because things had gone so tragically wrong for so long.

That was a lot of grieving that took place for all the things I was never able to emotionally process at the time.

From the outside, if you've never experienced it, you may think a change you initiate is a party. It's not.

If you're going through this now, no, you're not crazy, no matter how many friends and family are questioning why you're sad.

They may think you should just be angry.

I've found that difficult situations that were super stressful can be very emotional because there was no time to really feel while it was ongoing.

Just like when I got super sick and thought I had malaria after the whole cancer experience was over.

I was so busy doing that I never processed any of it while it was happening, so my body took the break it needed when it was over. And I was in bed for 3 weeks.

Not the best way to process fear, pain, grief, but it did the job.

The body keeps score and it will process the emotions one way or another.

None of my major pivots in life have ended up being a case of running away, but if it did happen, I would put the brakes on right away, no matter how far down the road I had already gone.

You can't get there from here. You have to stop and choose another path that is really authentic.

In the short term, it's no fun. But in the long term, it's so worth it to not keep going down the wrong road.

Maybe that's one of the biggest misconceptions about change.

People assume that if you're choosing a new path, you should feel nothing but excitement.

If you're leaving something that no longer fits, you should only feel relief.

If you're the one making the decision, you shouldn't be sad.

But life is rarely that simple.

Some of the most aligned decisions I've ever made were also some of the most emotional.

Not because they were wrong, but because they mattered. And I cared.

There were hopes, dreams, and versions of the future attached to them.

And when we change direction, even toward something better, there are still things we leave behind.

The future we imagined.

The identity we carried.

The story we thought we were living.

That all deserves to be looked at and honored. It was all real for us.

There's no need to rush it, judge it or explain it away.

Over the years, I've learned that alignment doesn't always feel like excitement.

Sometimes alignment feels like peace underneath the tears.

A quiet knowing beneath the grief.

A sense that even though your heart is broken, your soul knows you're moving in the right direction.

That's very different from running away.

Running away feels frantic.

Alignment feels honest.

Even when it's hard.

So if you're standing in the middle of a change right now and wondering why you're emotional about a decision you know is right, let me offer this:

Your grief is not evidence that you're on the wrong path.

It's evidence that what you're leaving mattered.

The most authentic thing we can do is allow ourselves to feel both.

Today's Gentle Practice

Think about a change you've made, or are currently making, that you know is right for you.

Ask yourself:

Have you given yourself permission to grieve what you're leaving behind?

Not because the decision is wrong.

Not because you want to go back.

Simply because something meaningful is ending.

See if you can hold both truths today:

I can be sad.

And I can still be certain.

With you,

Lynn