Day 197: The Day After the Realization

Yesterday was quite a rollercoaster after what I learned about myself while writing yesterday's email to you.

When the recognition hit of what I'd been doing, at first I started to get annoyed with myself. Having that constant feedback is very valuable.

I know this because I pay attention to what's going on in my life and how it makes me feel.

What became clear yesterday was two things I needed to see.

There's a difference between being open-hearted and overriding your own inner knowing because you're afraid of being unfair.

And moving out of judgment doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. It means quieting my mind long enough to ask what is actually true.

Once those realizations came forward, my day went sideways.

It was like every single encounter or task had something else to show me.

And I wasn't particularly happy about it.

It was a rough day.

Something I'd been avoiding for 6 weeks because it was too techie, turned out to be all wrong. And I could have fixed it back then if I hadn't been afraid to get in there, follow the steps, and just get it done.

So, after hours of the Universe saying, "let me show you how wrong everything can go, and then I'll dig deeper to show you now that you've opened that door", it was over.

All the workers left. Some things were actually accomplished and I am proud to say I fought for something to happen that I might not have fought for before yesterday's email.

And in that quiet, I took a deep breath.

I sat for a moment, and all of a sudden I could feel something deep inside me shift.

It was like my higher self was saying, "I threw a lot at you today and you stood up to it, and moved through it, without sacrificing your voice. Congratulations!"

If this was a video game, I think yesterday would have moved me up a level.

I'm not sure how that works because I haven't played a video game since PacMan.

The most interesting part is that I decided to take the dogs for a walk at a time we don't usually go out.

When I left my front gate which now has hinges, rusty ones he brought from home, and a latch, I noticed the quiet all around us.

It was like we were the only people here. Well, one person, two dogs.

As I walked, I noticed all the different types of trees, the super old bougainvillea that were now trees with massive gnarled trunks, and the only sounds were birds and ocean waves.

I realized then I had found the sanctuary I had looked for as a permanent home for my motorhome.

It's been a little bit of a hard fought one.

But, my vision never faded. I never questioned my choice.

The journey to complete set up is not over. There's still work to do.

And I now have a new level of clarity about myself, about this place, and about the choices I made when it comes to what I want to do with this motorhome.

Writing every morning has become such an important part of my self-discovery process. You witness it in real time every morning as I think out loud about what comes up for me in my daily spiritual practice and how I apply it to my daily life.

That's when it all becomes real, in the moments when life hands you the exact situation that asks you to live what you just learned.

I'd love to hear what you've taken from this journey so far this year. Just reply and tell me one thing, or write a long story. It's up to you.

Today's Gentle Practice

Think about something you've recently realized about yourself.

Ask yourself:

Where is life giving me a chance to practice this now?

Not someday when everything is calm and easy, but now.

Notice the moment where the teaching becomes real life.

That is where the shift begins to settle in.

With you,

Lynn