Day 202: The Last Straw Is Not the Whole Weight
Sometimes it's not a major trauma that cracks you open, it's more the straw that breaks the camel's back.
It's that one last little thing that finally reaches the tipping point of being more than you can handle right now.
It's all too much.
You can't point to any one thing.
It's just an overall feeling.
Doing one hard thing is ok, but ten hard things that all come at once, or a steady stream that doesn't look like it's ever going to end, can be too much.
We don't really talk about this.
We talk about the big things like illness, divorce, death, financial loss, job loss, empty nest, retirement.
Those are easier to quantify.
Your friends and family know what that is. They have labels for those things. A box to put it in. Generally accepted practices for supporting someone going through it, or having just come out of it.
If life cracks you open because the hundred and first thing was the one that made it all too much, and on it's own it sounds so small, you don't want to tell anyone.
How can you? It will sound ridiculous that you are collapsing under the weight of, what now?
Did you say, it's because your 3rd gardener quit?
That will leave people scratching their heads.
They may think you're depressed, or you just need a vacation, or you've been working too hard.
And yet it's real. The weight is real.
The last straw could be the dry cleaners ruined your favorite outfit. On its own it would be no big deal. But now?
What if the final thing was isn't really the point?
That was the last little drop of water in a glass that was already at the top and now it's spilling over.
The drop didn't create the overflow. It only revealed it.
And this slow piling on is just as real and just as emotionally debilitating as a major trauma for so many people.
The worst part is, you don't feel like you can talk about it.
If your friends come over and you start down your list of this little thing and that little thing and then another one, they just don't get it.
And yet it drags you down to a place of hopelessness, indecision, and even shame. Because now you're not only overwhelmed, you're judging yourself for being overwhelmed.
How could you feel this way over such little things when your neighbor is facing a terminal cancer diagnosis?
One of my best friends was going through two very serious health issues at the same time.
I was dealing with a serious dental issue that was visible and making me very self-conscious, besides being worried about my health and where this was all going to lead.
Sometimes when we would be talking, I would start feeling guilty about sharing the thoughts I was having about my issue.
Her issues could have ended her life. Did I even have a right to talk about what I was going through?
She would remind me that pain is pain. So is fear. And overwhelm.
I knew this, and yet it still felt insensitive of me.
There is no scale of what is ok to be concerned with and what isn't.
They are all emotional issues we deal with.
And what can be a walk in the park for one person, can be devastating for someone else.
You have a right to ALL of your feelings. All of your emotions are real.
Just because what has led to your life cracking open hasn't been one of these major traumas, doesn't make it any less real.
So if you need permission to feel everything you've been trying to deny, you have every right to feel it.
You don't have to prove your pain is big enough to deserve compassion.
The last straw may look small from the outside, but only you know how full the glass already was.
Start there, with the truth of what you feel, and give yourself the grace you would so easily offer someone else.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about one feeling you've been minimizing because the reason doesn't seem "big enough."
Ask yourself:
What if I stopped judging the size of the reason and simply honored the truth of what I feel?
You don't have to explain it to anyone.
Just give yourself one moment of compassion without making your feelings prove they deserve it.
With you,
Lynn
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