Day 249: Not Everything Is Yours to Solve
Everybody has an opinion, and advice is free.
Though neither counts for much when they aren't asked for.
But for the majority of my life, that never stopped me from sharing both my opinion and my advice.
I've been a lifelong learner, which means I've learned a lot of stuff.
So, I felt like it was my duty to share what I knew with people who I saw as struggling to solve an issue.
It didn't matter if it was family, friends, work relationships, or random people I met.
But at some point I stopped, for the most part. I can't put my finger on when it was or what the catalyst was. Maybe just wisdom settling in that allowed me to let things play out instead of always being the one with the answer.
I found myself asking a deeper question rather than just responding.
Asking whether this thing in front of me is actually mine to handle, or whether I've turned it into something I carry because I'm used to carrying it, or things that look like it.
That can be uncomfortable to look at.
I used to think of myself as "The Shell Answer Man" from the TV commercials when I was a kid.
I knew a little about a lot of stuff and a lot about some things, and why did I have all this in my head if I wasn't supposed to share it?
So that's what I did, for decades.
Then I realized not everything needed to be shared just because I knew the answer.
That's also when I realized I had been giving my energy to things that were not helping me become who I said I wanted to become.
All of that answering, or involvement in things that weren't mine to solve, was just dissipating my energy. My energy was leaking out all over the place instead of being focused on creating my own life.
We may find we are still loyal to old patterns, old fears, old roles, and old versions of ourselves that believed love meant depletion, responsibility meant self-abandonment, and being a good person meant never disappointing anyone.
But we're not here to keep feeding the life we are trying to outgrow. And all of those things that seemed like good things to be or do, are all energy leaks, depleting us.
We're here to become conscious about where our energy goes.
We can do that by not answering everything immediately. We can pause and ask if it's actually ours to handle. We can let others find their own solutions in their own time, not our idea of the right time.
We are allowed to let a problem sit until there is a real next step.
It may mean we stop having the same conversation over and over in our mind, or stop explaining ourselves to people who are committed to misunderstanding us.
"Let me help you" doesn't have to be our first answer. Allow others to go through their learning process.
It may simply mean we bring our attention back to our own life before we let someone else's energy take over the whole room inside our heads.
It's not always easy, because a lot of the things that drain us have hooks in them.
While we may not want to be "The Shell Answer Man" in everyone's life anymore, the pattern has been established and now they know exactly which part of us to grab.
The part that wants to be approved of.
The part that wants to feel safe.
The part that wants to be understood.
The part that still believes peace will come when everyone else finally behaves the way we need them to behave.
But peace doesn't come from managing everything outside of us, even though you'd think it would.
Peace comes when we stop giving everything outside of us the power to manage what is happening inside of us.
That flips the perspective, doesn't it?
We thought we were controlling, managing, helping, advising, so things would be better for them.
But maybe part of us was also trying to make things better inside of us. So we would feel calmer.
More needed.
More useful.
More in control.
Real peace comes when we stop trying to manage everything outside of us and take away its power to run what is happening inside of us.
That is self-leadership.
That is energetic maturity.
That's how we begin to plug the energy leaks and take back our power.
And every time we stop feeding what drains us, even though stepping in makes us feel good in the moment, we have more of ourselves available for what gives us life.
We have more energy for creativity, more space for guidance, more room for joy, more clarity about what we actually want, and more strength to take the next step.
Maybe that's one of the simplest ways to create the life we want.
Stop feeding the life that exhausts us and start feeding the life that calls us forward.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about one place where you automatically step in with advice, solutions, or emotional management.
Ask yourself:
Is this actually mine to solve, or am I trying to calm something inside myself by managing it?
You don't have to stop caring. Just pause before you carry.
Let someone else have their process.
Let yourself keep your energy long enough to notice what your own life is asking from you today.
With you,
Lynn
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