Day 255: Of Course You Care
Wayne Dyer asks what may be one of the most important questions:
"How do you want to be perceived in this world?"
Then he says that anyone who says they don't care at all is trying to live with blinders on. Of course you care.
That line made me smile because it is so true.
A lot of people say they don't care what anyone thinks. And I understand what they mean.
They don't want to be controlled by other people's opinions. They don't want to live their life performing for approval. They don't want to shrink themselves to fit inside someone else's comfort zone.
That part is healthy.
But pretending we don't care at all is not the same as being free.
We are human beings. We live in relationship with other human beings. We want to love and be loved. We want to connect. We want to feel seen, understood, respected, and valued.
The problem isn't that we care how we are perceived. The problem is when we let that perception become our master.
There's a big difference between wanting to show up in the world as a kind, loving, honest, thoughtful person and twisting ourselves into whatever shape we think will keep people from judging us.
One is self-expression. The other is self-abandonment.
Wayne Dyer said we want to enjoy relating in a joyful, playful, intimate, loving, helpful, concerned, caring, and thoughtful manner with others. That is the nature of human relationships.
We want to give and receive those emotions, and feel connected.
That's not ego.
When I think about how I want to be perceived in the world, I don't think about being impressive. I don't think about being perfect. I don't think about being seen as someone who always has it all together.
That would be exhausting, and at this point in my life, not even believable.
I think about all the different versions of me people have known over the years.
The young woman with no self-esteem who still had big dreams.
The Realtor who knew in her bones she was going to be good at it before she ever sat with her first client.
The woman who left everything familiar at 34 and moved to a small fishing village in Mexico.
The woman who received a diagnosis of breast cancer at 43 and had to decide who she was going to be on the other side of that.
The woman who built businesses, walked away from things that no longer fit, survived an abusive relationship, kept starting again, and is now sitting by the ocean with her dogs, writing about what all of it taught her.
I'm sure every person who knew me in each of those chapters had a different perception of me.
Some were probably accurate and some weren't.
Some saw strength before I could see it in myself.
Some saw things through their own fears, judgments, or limited understanding of who I was.
And for a long time, that would have bothered me a lot.
Now, it matters less that everyone sees me correctly. What matters more is that I see myself honestly.
I would rather be perceived as real.
Someone honest, who cares.
Someone who has lived through a lot and still believes we can choose differently.
Someone who is willing to tell the truth without using it as a weapon.
Someone who can be strong and tender at the same time.
Someone who helps women remember they have a right to live their own life.
That feels very different than wanting people to approve of me.
Approval asks, "What do I need to be so you will like me?"
Alignment asks, "How do I want to show up because this is who I truly am?"
Those are not the same question.
One puts our power outside of us. The other brings it back home.
This is not about managing every opinion people have of us because we can't do that.
People will see us through their own beliefs, wounds, expectations, fears, projections, and stories. Some will understand us. Some won't. Some will love us for the very thing someone else criticizes.
That's life.
So the question is not, "How do I make everyone perceive me the way I want?"
That road leads straight to exhaustion.
The better question is, "Am I living in a way that reflects the qualities I say matter to me?"
That puts the focus where it belongs.
On our choices. Our integrity. Our willingness to be who we say we are.
Because we do care. Of course we care, because relationships matter.
Connection matters.
How we affect other people with our energy.
But caring does not mean handing our identity to the crowd.
It means becoming conscious about who we are choosing to be in the world.
There is freedom in that.
We don't have to be liked or understood or approved of by everyone.
But we can choose to live in a way that feels true to our soul.
And when we do that, we stop trying to control perception and start living from presence.
Maybe that is the balance Wayne was pointing to.
And we stay free by making sure the perception we care about is rooted in truth, not approval.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about how you want to be perceived in the world.
Ask yourself:
Does the way I am showing up reflect who I truly want to be?
You don't have to perform for anyone.
Just notice the qualities that matter to you.
Then choose one small way to embody one of those qualities today.
With you,
Lynn
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