Day 274: The Storm Is Not Just Yours
This morning the ocean is churning and the big wide beach is no more. It's high and narrow now with a big drop off from the waves crashing into it from various storms out to sea over the last couple of weeks.
Now that the beach is so narrow and steep, and these are the biggest waves so far, will the waves reach the wall? Possibly. It's at least a foot thick, made of big rocks and cement. Will it hold? Maybe.
I've been through enough storms like this to know that nature has no rules. It makes its mind up as it goes along.
Different parts come together and as they converge, they now make up something that is way more powerful than what any of the parts were on their own.
The beach was already washed out and at a steep incline from hurricanes that never came in person, just their waves causing erosion.
There's so much power behind those waves. But what is driving them is invisible. No winds, no rain, the sun could even be out, and yet something is pushing the ocean and stirring things up. The ripple effects are far reaching.
Even with all the sophisticated hurricane models, they always show a variety of paths, with the caveat that the storm could turn at any point. You just never know.
And here I sit, knowing the storm is not directed at me, but still feeling its power, its wrath.
Our emotions are like these powerful storms. In fact, emotions are often talked about as being an inner storm that people can't tame.
When we're going through one of these emotional storms, we could tell ourselves that it's okay because the only person it's affecting is me but that's not true.
The energy it sends out, the waves that go out from the actual storm, have a ripple effect that reaches so many people that we're not even aware of because people feel that energy.
Just like me, sitting here feeling this storm. It's not directed at me but I recognize it. I see it, I feel it, I hear it, and I know it's there. Even though it's not happening to me, it's not directed at me. I'm still involved in it energetically.
That's what emotional energy can feel like too.
Someone may not be angry at us, but we can feel the anger in the room. Someone may not be afraid because of us, but their fear changes the energy around them. Someone may be carrying sadness, resentment, panic, disappointment, or frustration, and even if they say all the right words, something in us still knows there is a storm moving through.
We feel it. Our nervous system feels it. Our body responds before our mind has time to explain what is happening.
And we do the same thing with our emotions.
We can tell ourselves our mood is private, that what we are feeling is only happening inside us, but our energy has movement. It goes somewhere. It touches the people around us. It shapes the room, the conversation, the home, the work, the relationship.
That doesn't mean we are wrong for having big emotions.
Storms happen. Feelings happen. Life brings things that stir the water.
I'm completing a remodel project right now, that until a few days ago was on track to meet its deadline. And then literal storms happened. So glass coming from he mainland was delayed because the ferry couldn't come to Baja. Cement wasn't drying because of the humidity so painting couldn't be done. The cabinets weren't delivered on time because of the humidity preventing the finish being applied.
All of these things added up. Everything was coming to a halt with the deadline being yesterday. Renters coming in 3 days.
Will we finish in time. My fingers are crossed. We are all doing everything we can to make it happen.
And my emotions were coming to a head and I wrote some very pointed texts because all that emotion had to be let out. Not just a scream. It had to be given voice. I needed to be recognized as being valid.
Once that was done, we focused on the task at hand. My clients, my crews and I have been working together for years. We are a team.
But at the same time, lashing out in an inappropriate way would damage that relationship needlessly.
The point is not to pretend the ocean is calm when it isn't. Become aware of what is moving through us before we let it crash into everything around us.
There is a difference between having an emotion and letting that emotion become the weather system everyone else has to live inside.
That took me decades to understand.
When something big is moving through us, it can feel so consuming that we forget there is anyone else standing on the shoreline. We are focused on the waves. The force. The fear. The question of whether the wall will hold.
And sometimes that's all we can do for a little while. We breathe. We watch. We tell the truth about what is happening inside us.
But once we are aware, we have a choice.
We can pause before we speak, step away before we react. We can say, "I need a minute."
We can take the emotion seriously without letting it take over the whole environment.
That's emotional maturity.
It's not never having storms. It's knowing when one is moving through and doing our best not to make everyone else responsible for surviving it.
The ocean this morning is not wrong for being powerful. It's doing what oceans do.
But I'm also aware of its force. I'm watching the wall. I'm noticing how far the waves are reaching. I'm respecting what that much energy can do.
We need to do the same with ourselves.
Respect the power of what we feel. Pay attention to what is driving it. Notice how far the waves are going.
And remember that even when the storm is not directed at anyone, the people nearby can still feel it.
That doesn't mean we have to shut ourselves down. Instead, we learn to tend to our inner weather with care. Because our emotions are real. Our energy is real. And what moves through us also moves from us.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about one emotion that has been moving through you strongly lately.
Ask yourself:
How far are these waves reaching?
Don't judge yourself for having the feeling. Just notice its movement.
Is it asking for quiet?
For honesty?
For space?
For care?
For a pause before you respond?
Your emotions are allowed to be real.
And you are allowed to tend to them before they become the weather everyone else has to stand in.
With you,
Lynn
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