Day 288: Confidence Comes After the Decision
I have a neighbor who says there are two things they really want to build in their new RV space.
I've shared the contacts for the people who did good work for me, and yet nothing is happening there.
I talked to them, and first it was that the fence was going to cost more than expected. So they didn't decide.
That put the second one, the thing they really wanted the most, on the back burner.
Now there are only two weeks before no construction can take place until May.
That fact will either create urgency or fear of making the wrong decision, so no decision feels like the safest thing.
And, in this case, it appears fear is winning.
When fear wins, things stay exactly as they are. That's what the part of us whose job it is to keep us safe wants.
That part of our brain wants to bubble wrap us at the exact spot in our lives where it knows exactly what's what and there are no surprises. It will tell you to just keep doing what you're doing now, and all is good.
Except, is it?
They don't get the basics of what will make this RV spot their personal space for another six months because of fear.
The confidence of feeling ready to make the decision doesn't come before the decision.
If you're waiting to feel ready, you'll be waiting a very long time. Because the confidence to feel ready comes from making the decision, not before it.
You build that muscle, that confidence as you do the thing. You feel ready when you are already in motion. Not before.
We seem to understand this when we're learning a new skill, but we forget it when we're making decisions about our lives.
You didn't feel confident driving a car before you learned how. You developed confidence by getting behind the wheel, paying attention, making adjustments, and discovering what you were capable of handling.
The same thing happens when we make decisions about our work, our relationships, our homes, and the things we want to create. Each step gives us information we couldn't have had while we were standing still.
In this particular case, what they decide is none of my business.
But in a different situation, the first thing I would ask is, "What do you want to come from this?" "What is your purpose for doing it?"
Because that clarification needs to happen at the beginning of the desire. That clarity is what determines when, or even if, the thing you say you want comes to you.
When you know why something matters to you, it becomes easier to separate the things that need to be worked out from the fear that's trying to stop you.
Uncertainty will show up at some point, and with clarity you have something to come back to when it does.
You can look at the cost, the timing, the people you need to involve, and the choices available to you without making every unknown a reason to put the whole thing on hold.
You can take all of that into consideration and still move toward what you want.
And sometimes you discover that you don't actually want it enough to make it a priority right now. That's valuable information too.
You don't have to make every decision immediately, and there are times when waiting is the wise choice. But there's a difference between consciously deciding to wait and letting fear make that decision for you.
That's what we need to recognize in ourselves.
Because six months from now, the time will have passed either way.
You can be six months further into creating what you want, or still waiting for the confidence you hoped would arrive before you began.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about something you've been wanting to do but haven't moved forward with yet.
Ask yourself:
If I knew I didn't have to feel ready before making this decision, what would I choose?
Remember why you wanted it in the first place and what having it or experiencing it would add to your life.
Notice where fear has been asking you to wait for certainty.
You already know that confidence is something you develop through experience.
Give yourself permission to make the decision and begin building that confidence.
With you,
Lynn
Join me on Substack and read Letters from The Threshold
