Day 291: The Conversation We Need to Hear
It's a little ironic that for someone who writes and speaks as a career, I spend most of my day in silence.
I work in silence. I like listening to the sound of the birds, the breeze going through the trees, and the sound of the waves hitting the beach.
Even when I'm in the car, most of the time there's silence because there's no radio station that comes in, and I haven't seen any reason to install something to get music. And I don't have music on my phone. But I do listen to whatever radio there is when I'm in range.
And I start my day with meditation, which is all about quieting our mind. For the first, probably 30 years, I always meditated in silence. And then I got the Insight Timer. I enjoy the sound of the babbling brook quietly playing in the background. I find I can go even deeper with the sound of water relaxing me.
And this morning I read this paragraph from Wayne Dyer:
Take the letters that make up the word listen and rearrange them so that they spell out silent: listen/ silent—listen/silent—the same in content only arranged to appear different from each other. When you listen, you'll feel the silence. When you're silent, you'll hear at a new level of listening.
Listening is probably my other favorite thing besides silence so I found this interesting.
I had someone comment once while I was waiting to speak at a small private event, that he could tell I
was wise because I said so little, when he knew I had expertise in what was being discussed by a group of people at this cocktail party.
I don't know if he meant it or if he was flattering me, but wise people usually are more quiet because they are always listening, not trying to be the witty person that's the center of attention.
We learn from listening, not talking, as a general rule.
Although I often learn things as I write these emails to you, so I'm not sure if that's me listening to the conversation in my head or talking.
The world would be a better place if we spent more time listening and being silent instead of adding our two cents where it's really not necessary.
When I was younger, I had to bite my tongue to not speak up just because I knew something. And as I matured, I realized there is much more to be learned by being quiet and observing. Watching and listening to the interactions of others.
Which is why I have such a love for competition shows and reality TV. It's like taking a new psychology course with every season I watch.
I'm constantly learning more myself, so I'm able to see more of what's going on underneath the surface.
And my main passion since high school has been to understand what makes people who they are and what makes them change.
For most of us, spending time in silence is not something that comes naturally. Like learning to meditate, it's much easier if you start in small increments of time.
Part of it is that we live in a noisy society.
I grew up as a reader, but the TV was also always on at the same time. As a kid, I went to sleep at night with the radio on. Then, when I got older and got a TV in my room I would have the TV noise to help me go to sleep.
The other part is that a lot of people don't feel comfortable being alone with their thoughts.
But for things to change, we have to listen to those internal conversations that are always going on in our heads.
And that's where silence becomes so important. When we're constantly filling every available moment with noise, conversation, entertainment, or information, we don't get much of a chance to hear what we're telling ourselves.
We can go through an entire day reacting to thoughts and feelings without ever becoming aware of what's going on underneath them.
Some of those conversations have been running for decades.
They're the beliefs we picked up when we were young, the judgments we've made about ourselves, the fears we've carried forward, and the stories we keep repeating because they've become so familiar that we don't even recognize them as thoughts anymore. They're just part of the background noise of our lives.
But when we give ourselves some quiet, we can begin to hear them. And once we hear them, we have an opportunity to ask whether they're actually true and whether we still want to live from them.
There's another kind of listening that becomes available in silence too, and that's listening for guidance.
It's the quiet knowing that comes when our mind isn't busy trying to figure everything out.
Sometimes an answer arrives that we've been struggling to find. Sometimes we become aware of something we've been feeling but haven't wanted to acknowledge. And sometimes we simply experience a sense of peace that reminds us we don't have to be doing or solving something every minute of the day.
That's one of the things I value most about the quiet life I've created for myself. I have room to hear what's happening around me, what's happening inside me, and what my soul is trying to tell me.
And the more I've learned to listen, the more I've realized that silence isn't empty. There's so much happening when we stop filling every moment with sound.
Wayne's observation about listen and silent being made up of the same letters is a wonderful reminder of that.
We can listen more deeply to other people when we're not busy preparing what we're going to say next.
And we can listen more deeply to ourselves when we stop trying to drown out the conversations taking place inside us.
We don't have to spend hours meditating or live somewhere quiet by the ocean to begin.
We can turn off the radio in the car, take a walk without something playing in our ears, or sit for a few minutes without reaching for our phone.
And then pay attention to what we hear.
Sometimes the most important conversation we have all day is the one we finally make enough room to hear inside ourselves.
Today's Gentle Practice
Find a few minutes today when you can be alone without anything playing in the background.
Ask yourself:
What have I been too busy or distracted to hear inside myself?
Sit quietly and notice what comes up.
You may hear an old familiar thought, recognize a feeling you've been ignoring, or simply enjoy a few moments of peace.
Give yourself the space to listen without needing to do anything about what you hear right away.
Sometimes awareness is enough for today.
With you,
Lynn
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