Day 292: What Carried Me Through
This morning I read this from the section of A Course in Miracles called the Manual for Teachers.
"It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters, and circumstances are helpful."
And I thought, this is the truth about finding what is hidden in the tragedies of our lives.
It takes great learning to understand and truly believe that everything in our lives has something in it that is helpful. And maybe we don't see it until we have some distance, but it's in there, helping us make it through in our worst moments.
It's not that something wonderful or some gift comes out of every tragedy. Not at all.
It reminds me of that poem, Footprints in the Sand, where the writer dreams of walking the beach with God and asking why God wasn't there when he needed him most. And God answers that he never left. Most of the way there are two sets of footprints, but where there is only one, that is where God was carrying him.
When I look back at parts of my life that were so difficult I don't give them words, I know I was not alone. There was something bigger than me that kept me sane, allowed me to stay hopeful, and as I was able, to figure out how to build a different life for myself. than what I was being shown then.
Through illnesses, divorces, bankruptcy, abuse, and other things in my life, I've always felt protected, and often wondered what God had in store for me that he needed to keep me around longer.
And yet, no matter how horrific the events were, looking back on the worst of them that were so very difficult to endure or witness, at the same time they were shifting something inside me.
We cannot go through deep tragedies that never really leave us and not be changed by them. And sometimes, even while we're carrying the pain of what happened, we discover strengths, understanding, and ways of seeing life that we never had before.
In every situation, we get to choose if we take the path to the light or the path into darkness.
Inside all of it, there is something helpful. Something carrying us through so we can live again.
And it takes great understanding, and a willingness to see, to acknowledge what that was.
I learned to build an inner strength and independence that most don't have that early in life.
And I understand that our experiences in life make us who we need to become to handle what follows.
For me, having such a wide variety of deep tragedies, along with the shared experiences many of us go through like illness, divorce, financial loss, grief, has allowed me to do the work I do. It opened me to compassion and empathy for the people I've worked with in the last 25 years.
It's given me the ability to feel what they have just lived through, where they are now, and see what they can't see yet for their future. So I hold that future space for them until they get to the place where they recognize it for themselves.
And I know how important that is because I've been in that place myself, where the only thing I could concentrate on was getting through what was happening right then.
When you're in the aftermath of something devastating, the future can become very small. Sometimes you can't imagine anything beyond getting through the next day, or even the next hour.
That's when it helps to have someone who can see beyond where you are now. Someone who understands how much you're hurting and can still recognize that there is more life available to you than what you're experiencing in this moment.
I won't tell someone that her suffering happened for a reason or that one day she'll be grateful for it. I would never want someone to feel that she had to find something good about what hurt her in order to heal. Because that's not true.
But I can sit with her in the truth of where she is, and I can hold the possibility of a different life for her while she's still finding her way back to herself. And I can help her do find her way.
And that brings me back to the lesson from A Course in Miracles.
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters, and circumstances are helpful.
For me, that understanding has come through recognizing how much help was available to me during the times when I could barely see beyond what was happening. Sometimes it came through another person, sometimes through guidance I couldn't explain, and sometimes through a strength I didn't know I had until I needed it.
I can look back now and recognize those things without needing to call the experiences themselves good. Because they definitely weren't.
And when I think about the work I've been able to do with women over the years, I can see how the understanding I gained through my own life has become something I can extend to someone else.
There are still parts of my past I don't give words to. I don't need to anymore.
I know what I lived through, I know what carried me, and I know what became possible afterward.
And when someone else is in a place where she can't yet imagine a life beyond what she's experiencing, I can hold that possibility for her until she's ready to see it for herself.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about a difficult time in your life that you can look back on with some distance.
Ask yourself:
What helped carry me through when I couldn't see a way forward?
It may have been a person, an unexpected kindness, your faith, or a strength you didn't know you had.
You don't have to revisit the painful details to recognize the support that was there.
Just give yourself a moment to acknowledge what helped you keep going.
With you,
Lynn
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