Day 312: What If Your People Aren't Going With You?
One of the hardest things for people to do is leave their people.
Whether it's actual family, friends, or even their work friends.
It's where we feel like we belong. And the idea of walking away from that to follow a different dream is scary, and sad, and feels lonely.
And yet there is a dream you want. The only way to get there is to go.
You may not have to move away, but there is something you will be leaving behind.
That's the definition of change.
People spend decades saying they want a different life, they wish they could move to a tropical place, a different country, somewhere they could be more in touch with nature.
They like the idea of it, but they don't actually see themselves doing anything to make it happen, because they can't imagine leaving their community of people. It's just too scary.
It's almost like they don't believe they can find a new community of people aligned more closely with what they say they want when they take the leap.
And yet you're moving into a group of people who made the same conscious choice you made, so you automatically have interests in common with them, and common values.
Moving away from where you live now is a huge block for a lot of people.
I moved to Florida when I was 25 and I've lived in resort areas in and outside of the U.S. for the last 45 years.
"I wish I could live here", is one of the top comments I've heard over that time.
But it's not true. They like the fantasy of making the move, not the reality.
It's really important that you don't invest your time in a fantasy.
To know if you're being real with yourself or just fantasizing, ask yourself what steps you're taking to make it a reality.
Are you creating a plan of action to support the Universe moving you in that direction?
Or is it more accurate to say that any time you say you'd love to do it, your inner voice has a lot to say, and it's all about why you can't do it.
If you're looking for reasons not to do something that's big and potentially scary, those reasons will come quickly and easily.
Because there is a part of your mind whose job it is to keep you safe, which means keeping your life exactly the way it is.
If you think about, one of the reasons you want to make a change, whatever kind of change it is, is because you don't feel 100% aligned and congruent with what this part of your life is like now.
Something about it is saying to you that these people or this place just doesn't really get you. So you wear the mask to fit in and play the game and hope you can be happy with things being fine instead of good or great or fabulous.
Rob Bell tells the story from the book of Genesis of Abraham leaving his father's household. And back then, that household was your world. Everything that sustained you and your physical safety came from that group of people.
It was leaving everything he knew and heading into the unknown. A voice told him to go and he did. Even though I'm sure it went against everything his mind was telling him, along with all of his people.
And all it says is: Then Abraham went.
In a time when everything depended on you staying with your group, he left and there was no explanation other than that short sentence.
What fascinates me is how much is contained in those few words. The story doesn't give us a long explanation of how Abraham worked through his doubts, what everyone around him said, or how he convinced himself to leave everything familiar.
He heard the call, and he went.
Of course, that doesn't tell us that the journey was easy. But it reminds me that sometimes a life-changing decision can begin with one moment of knowing that we're ready to go.
And, as you've heard me tell so many stories from my life, that's exactly how it often happens.
I would hear something, feel something, in an instant.
And depending on how strong the knowing was, sometimes it was something I was meant to act on almost immediately. Other times it was a nudge in the right direction.
And there were times when I said to my inner voice, "Are you sure?", even though I knew that was a silly question. Because it was asking me to do something that was 100% outside anything I would have asked for, and the opposite of everything I thought I wanted in the limited scope of what I could see.
And yet I listened and followed what I was led to do. And it always turned out to be more amazing than I could have imagined.
That's because we can't see the future. We can't see all the things up ahead converging to bring us a life so far from what we are living now that we wouldn't have dared to even imagine, and yet, it is ours. I
t's waiting for us to say yes. to allowing it to come to us.
There is something inside of us that knows and guides us.
But we have to be willing to listen and then take action, despite the fear and the thought of resistance. We do it anyway, in faith.
And sometimes the hardest part isn't figuring out where we're going. It's wondering whether we'll still belong somewhere when we get there.
We may have spent decades being a certain person in a certain community, and we don't know who we'll be without those familiar relationships and expectations.
But there may be people waiting in that new life who will know and appreciate parts of us we've never felt comfortable expressing where we are now.
It just takes one example of someone stepping out of line. Leaving, doing something different, walking into the future without knowing what it will look like, just being open.
Be brave enough to sit in the in-between until you're ready to cross your personal Truth Threshold. We use that time to let go of old indentities, old roles, and fin dour way to what is waiting for us.
And sometimes that's what the in-between is really about.
We're recognizing that the life we've known no longer fits, but we're still attached to the comfort of the people, places, and roles that have been familiar for so long.
And as we stand at our next Truth Threshold, we get to decide whether we're going to keep living within what's familiar or say yes to the life that's calling us.
Sometimes, like Abraham, we simply reach the moment when we're ready.
And we go.
Today's Gentle Practice
Think about something you've wanted to change in your life but haven't moved toward because of what it might mean for the people around you.
Ask yourself:
Am I staying where I am because this is the life I truly want, or because I'm afraid of what might happen to my relationships if I choose differently?
Consider what belonging means to you and whether you've been making decisions to preserve a role or identity that no longer feels right.
You can love and appreciate the people in your life without needing to make all the same choices they make.
And you can trust that there are people who will understand and appreciate the person you truly are.
With you,
Lynn
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