Day 81: From Resistance to Allowing: A Small Shift That Changes

This morning, when I read this from The Teachings of Abraham, my mind went to a very specific, dark place in my past.

This is what it said:

“When you are thinking about something that you have been wanting for a very long time, and you are noticing that it has not yet happened, a strong negative emotion will be present within you.

However, if you are thinking about something that you have been wanting, and you are imagining that it is happening, then your emotion would be one of anticipation or eagerness.

And so, you can tell by the way you feel whether you are, in this moment, allowing or resisting your desire.”

I was going through a dark night of the soul brought on by the convergence of two major upheavals happening at the same time.

Only a close inner circle of friends had any idea what was going on in my life.

I was raised to be very stoic, so I just kept moving forward.

It was a time when everything had been going so well, personally and professionally, and then a chain of events happened that just took me out.

At some point I’m sure I’ll share more of that story, but for now I’ll say this was the most desperate time of my life.

I walked the California beach where I was living at the time for an hour each day, most of the time crying.

I was still working with clients, still showing up, still keeping a composed face in my business and in public.

But inside, I felt like an empty shell.

I helped women through situations like this for a living, and yet I couldn’t help myself.

It felt like there was a door I couldn’t walk through.

There was a reason I was meant to go through that experience, but at the time, I couldn’t see it.

It took a while before I realized I was in a dark night of the soul.

I was doing all the right things.

And at the same time, I was doing some of the wrong things too.

That’s why when I read that statement today, my first thought was, “Been there.”

What I couldn’t see clearly at the time was the underlying pattern of my thoughts.

The emotional frequency I was living in.

I knew I was sad, maybe even depressed.

But I couldn’t see the constant focus on what I had been wanting, and the fact that it was gone.

Or in my mind, would never happen.

I thought I was being positive.

My evidence was that no one around me knew what I was going through.

So I must be doing okay… right?

But really, I was just very good at wearing the “I’m fine” mask.

A mask I had learned to wear long before that, and slipped right back into without even realizing it.

And now, looking back, I can see it clearly.

I was spending hours each day focusing on something I had wanted deeply… and noticing that it wasn’t there.

Of course, I was sinking deeper.

Of course, I felt worse.

And then something shifted.

Not all at once.

But enough.

I started asking a different question.

What now?

At first, the answer wasn’t clear.

It felt vague.

But it was enough to move me out of looking backward and into something else.

And slowly, my focus began to change.

From what was lost…

To what might be possible.

From resistance…

To a small opening of allowing.

The fog didn’t lift all at once.

But it started to thin.

I could take a step.

Then another.

I stopped trying to change what had already happened.

And I started letting life move forward.

Then one day, I was walking on the beach.

Not crying anymore.

Just walking.

Looking at the houses up on the cliff above the water, wondering if I should stay where I was or move.

And I heard my inner voice say,

“You’re done here.”

I asked, “Done with this walk, or done living here?”

There was no immediate answer.

But three days later, I was packing up and leaving California.

Another change I didn’t see coming.

A nudge.

A quiet direction.

Yes, I was done.

That chapter had closed.

It took a lot out of me.

And even now, years later, I’m still uncovering the lessons from that time.

Like the one I saw clearly this morning.

Today’s Gentle Practice

Take a moment today to notice what you are focusing on when you feel a strong emotion.

Pause and gently ask yourself:

Am I focusing on what is missing, or what is possible?

You don’t have to force a big shift.

Just notice.

And if you can, soften your focus just a little toward something that feels even slightly better.

That’s enough for now.

If this brought something up for you, you’re always welcome to reply and share.

With you,
Lynn